People Change, As Time Goes By

  For the past few weeks, I've been rather moody most of the time. There are just too many things that I don't understand. No matter how hard I try to, how much time I spend thinking, I just still don't get it. How did a friendship that was once so beautiful change so much? 5 years. To some, it's quite short. And others, it might feel like 50 years instead. Me? I think it depends on how things are after those 5 years. I have people who have been part of my life for 15 years and still counting. Sure, we got separated for a few years and all, but things are still the same. It's as if nothing changed, we're still the same kids we were when we first met. Then there are those people whom I've met since 12 years ago, but sometimes I feel like we've only known each other for less than a week. These people, are the ones that I parted with since high school, and only met up occasionally. The first 2 years still felt fine, at least to me. I really thought that things would always remain the same. I held on to every single piece of memory, every string that bonded us, as though it was my dear life. Which in a way, kinda is. 5 years was all it took for us to drift apart. 5 of us, 5 years. Among us, some are always missing/giving excuses, avoiding contact, not speaking to each other, left out. Strangers. That's the only word I can think of that would describe our relationship. We're just like strangers to each other now. It really hurts when I think of it, cause we were all really close to each other. Back then, I thought that we would be BFF's, even dreamed of living in the same neighbourhood after we all grow up. How naive and stupid I was. But as a kid, I guess that was acceptable. Who would have thought that after everything we've been through, this is how we'd end up after just 5 years? Now I'm always wondering, will the same thing happen to me and my other friends? The ones I've met in high school, will we end up the same way after everyone starts college/uni, working and stuff. Will there be a day where we sit at the same table but find no common topic to talk about, or no one even makes time to meet up? How bout my new friends from uni? Will we all part ways after we've graduated? Or perhaps even before that. Perhaps when we start our degree courses? Since we'll be separated by contemporary and classical subjects, will we all end up that way? It frightens me sometimes when I think about it. You might say that I'm thinking too much, why worry myself with useless thoughts right? I'm just making myself depressed. But, I can't help it. My family and friends are really important to me. I'm afraid of losing any one of them because I really love them. They mean the world to me. 

  On a side note, I've been dreading family gatherings recently. I know this kinda contradicts to my statement above, but, yeah. It's not them that I dread, it's the questions that I have to answer whenever I visit them. Maybe it's cause I'm *cough*19*cough* older now, so everyone's (except my parents) kinda expecting me to be in a relationship WTH. I mean, like, seriously??! Why does everyone have this thinking that, as you grow up, you should have a crush on someone, then finally get into a relationship, get married, have kids, grow old and die?! Okay, we all grow old and die, it's just a matter of time. But, the rest? It makes no sense to me at all. Just because I'm 19 doesn't mean I need to have a boyfriend. When I tell them "no, I don't have a boyfriend" everyone will just be like whaaaatt?? why not?? Why not? Here's why not:

1. I have not found the right guy yet.

2. I will not 'love' a guy just so I can have a boyfriend like most people around my age.

3. Even if I do like someone, that someone will definitely be a friend cause you don't just love random strangers. Crushes are NOT counted.

and the most important one of all...

4. Who in the world would like me for ME??

  Not trying to be a whiny bitch and all, but seriously. If you know me personally, and by personally I mean REALLY PERSONALLY like down to the core type and not just some random facebook friend, you should know by now that I am really hard to handle. Why? Cause I can be a real bitch sometimes. Not the Mean Girls type of bitch (well, sometimes maybe. but it's not that bad..). Also, I'm really weird and crazy, sometimes even my friends give me the wtf are you doing are you seriously insane??! look because I get too out of hand. Sometimes. Not all the time. I'm still sane enough pfftt. Back to the main point: to like me for me? For who I really am? That's a whole different story. I'm damn stubborn so I won't change or bow down to others cause I'm just that much of a stubborn head. And my temper? Hmm.. not that bad I guess. I mean, if you make me mad or something, worst thing that could happen is I'll probably just tie you up to a pole and whack you like a pinata, then get a really huge meat chopper and start working on you so that the zombies wont choke and puke while trying to consume you into their bottomless pit stomachs. Not really that bad, right? So, to find someone who can actually accept all my craziness, bad points, my fugly eczema skin, my lame jokes, my sudden mood swings while coping with my *coughs* awesomeness *coughs*, that dude's probably insane too. JUST KIDDING hahahahahhaha. Ohh well, fts. I'm probably gonna stay single and die a loner cause I'm too much of a chicken to tell a guy that I like him. Not that I'm liking anyone right now. Cause I've seen and experienced how it's like when someone confesses their feelings to another person, and there's no mutual feelings shared. Thing's kinda gets awkward, even if the other person tries to be cool and all about it. That kid's hurt, and only time can heal their wounds. And by the time it's healed, the friendship between both of them won't be the same anymore. SO...I'd rather not risk it. That's how much I love my friends. 

  So..I guess that's enough update for now? Till then, take care.  =)