It hurts when you meet someone after a really long time, and feel like you don't really know them anymore. But you know what hurts more? Occasionally seeing a small bit of the old them in that new personality they're trying to pull off. It sucks because as much as I want to scream and yell at that person, for changing, for becoming another stranger to me, I can't. Why? Because once a while, I still see that innocent, crazy, long lost childhood best friend of mine, and all is forgiven. It's like, I want to give them a big hug but at the same time I feel like slapping some sense into them. How did all this happen? We were kids, who had big dreams and plans for the future. None of this was what we ever thought of. Doctors, scientists, rockstars, secret agents etc, but never this. I just don't understand, no matter how much I think about it. How did you end up where you are now? Where's that girl? The one who was once so full of confidence in herself? The one who was so care-free? So full of life? A real life. Where's my friend? The one I've known for as long as I could remember? The one who teased and fought with me almost everyday? Where's that crazy ass bitch who could do anything crazy with me, who could understand all this madness that goes on in my head? The one with crazy and wild imaginations, which I loved so much. That girl who would put her friends and family before herself? Where did she go? Sometimes I ask myself: did I play a part in this transformation? Perhaps, if I hadn't been so busy with my own stuff, if I had called her out more often, would things be different today? What if we all made a little more effort, would we have been able to keep her? To keep our friend?
I miss that crazy friend, I really do. You have no idea how much I've missed you. How terrible I feel each time I think of you because deep down inside, there's a part of me cursing myself for losing you. There's a part of me that tells me, if only I had made a little more effort, maybe things would have been different, maybe you would have been different. I'm worried sick, worried that one day I would wake up to news about you, news that would shatter my world. I fucking miss you okay? We all do. We just want our old friend back. Please.
